Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
