my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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