...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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