there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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