I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Blood and glitter go together right?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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