Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
