STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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