Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
