I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We talked him into tasing himself.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize