hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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