Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
