If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
