Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize