no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
