just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
