so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
