Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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