Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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