yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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