last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize