My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
