Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
