I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
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