we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
