You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
