Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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