I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
