ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
