My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
