That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
