I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
