Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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