We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
