yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize