ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
nutella sex= disaster
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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