i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize