my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
