Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize