hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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