i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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