Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
