I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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