What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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