You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
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