dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
