I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Randomize
