um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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