I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
