So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
