The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
