Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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