Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
