did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize