Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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