no you cant smoke seaweed
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
