I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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