I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
