true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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