he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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