Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
