So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i just had sex bonerless
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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