Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
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