i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
