I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
