Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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