Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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