he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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