he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
