Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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