Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
