oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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