you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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