so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
