Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
