Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
