You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
