I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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